I faked an abortion last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
