Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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