How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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