Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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