Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
