Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
