Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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