we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
