Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
