so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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