sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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