i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
