She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
