I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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