his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
