i barfeds in our rink
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
