he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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