i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
