I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My liver just broke up with me...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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