While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
