I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
