I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
