Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
