Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I enjoy the company of your penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
