She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
