I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
