I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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