So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
