he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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