OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you never un-have a 4some
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
