drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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