believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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