i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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