Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
