I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
