Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
