i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
