Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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