Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
