I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If that was your dad, he is hot
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
