No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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