so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize