I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
