soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
