Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
