im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
