just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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