what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
