who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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