worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
