Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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