So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
