just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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