Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
