you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The air taste purple.
Randomize
