Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
