I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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