Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
