It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this will be a night to untag.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
