I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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