I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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