I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
