4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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