Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
