1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize