Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
