Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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