Do you still have your period?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
