how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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