My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
