Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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