Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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