they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
