you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize