You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
