I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
