Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
