I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
