She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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