How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
