Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
