..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Drunk is not a location!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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