Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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