Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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