If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
