Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
