I'm jealous of your bromance
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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