if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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